“Sirens, hear the sirens. Hear the circus all go found.”
I google the same words as yesterday,
But only once this time, when it was twice yesterday,
I call this progress before I freeze,
Red flashing figures, I see pluses, I catch my pulse skipping, then dropping, I’ve seen this before, worldometer.com
Never lies, or maybe it does,
Like the rest of them, I am unfazed.
Ten seconds later I’ve changed my search to ‘pearl jam’
And before you know it, Spotify is playing Pearl Jam, then Radiohead,
No alarms and no surprises, please.
Nostalgia is a real intruder and the ’90s
Are woefully retro, 2000s are a distant trail
Of photos with low cut jeans and awkward crop tops, moments are captured, sure, but memories are elusive and nostalgia is a movie that you remember loving but never remember the fine print details of anymore.
If I turn 50, how will I remember this?
Not long ago,
I remember the aimless walks in urban outfitters, nearing 30 and still feeling young enough for a cactus and a sweater, a pretentious notebook when all I need is a mobile phone, I’ve got my purple-tinted glasses on, I tell you nothing matters yet we are born, endless aisles of clothes and thoughts, to be human is to mourn then shop.
I had a dream the other day, I was casually strolling in a shop, it seemed cool but I was trapped in brick walls and the music was getting louder as I snaked around the shelves,
do you hear the sirens yet,
I wonder what percentage of my life is already gone, if I were a glass of coconut water or almond milk,
How much of me has been consumed,
Poured down the drain of ‘no regrets’.
I wonder,
When this is all over,
Will I ever feel the pressure to
Live like there’s no tomorrow, when all I want to do is to gently love myself. Tonight I took a salt bath and all the salty tears were dripping down my face,
into my own comfort bath.
When all of this is over, will I learn to kindly refuse? When everyone’s overgrazing again,
Will I have the courage to sit idle on the grass?
To consume the silence, this cleaner air now, the brighter skies,
To hear the sirens, these (false) alarms
and not feel
Compelled
To run.
